Life on the Move

...I Fall For You...

2011-01-17T20:17:00.001-08:00

...Sébastien Lefebvre...

Something happened and you know it
I can't really tell you how
When I stare at you for hours
I don't care what comes around

And I fall for you
I fall for you
I fall for you
Tonight
I hope you feel the same

There's nothing wrong with being here now
We have things to talk about
And my excuses I believe them
I don't have to justify

♥ ♥ ♥

...Colours Of The Wind...

2011-01-07T14:22:00.001-08:00

So since discovering Sara Ramirez is also a musician I've been listening to more of her music. I came across a cover of Colours Of The Wind from Pocahontas, which I absolutely fell in-love with as it is one of my favourite songs from that movie and my childhood...

...I Will Follow...

2011-01-05T17:17:00.001-08:00

...Sara Ramirez...

Pleasantly surprised to find that Sara Ramirez, whom I associate with Dr. Callie Torres from Grey's Anatomy is actually a pretty amazing singer as well. Doesn't hurt this being a really beautiful song to boot!

...Is...

2010-12-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

...Life is as fluid as a conversation and changes like a conversation as it moves on and branches out...

...A...

2010-12-16T12:54:00.000-08:00

...Chancer Chancing It...

...Radio Nowhere...

2010-12-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

...Bruce Springsteen...

I was tryin' to find my way home
But all I heard was a drone
Bouncing off a satellite
Crushin' the last lone American night

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?

I just want to feel some rhythm...

...In The Ghetto..

2010-12-02T13:38:00.001-08:00

...Lisa Marie Presley and Elvis Presley...

♥

As the snow flies
On a cold and gray Chicago mornin'
A poor little baby child is born
In the ghetto
And his mama cries
'cause if there's one thing that she don't need
it's another hungry mouth to feed
In the ghetto

People, don't you understand
the child needs a helping hand
or he'll grow to be an angry young man some day
Take a look at you and me,
are we too blind to see,
do we simply turn our heads
and look the other way

Well the world turns
and a hungry little boy with a runny nose
plays in the street as the cold wind blows
In the ghetto

And his hunger burns
so he starts to roam the streets at night
and he learns how to steal
and he learns how to fight
In the ghetto

Then one night in desperation
a young man breaks away
He buys a gun, steals a car,
tries to run, but he don't get far
And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers 'round an angry young man
face down on the street with a gun in his hand
In the ghetto

As her young man dies,
on a cold and gray Chicago mornin',
another little baby child is born
In the ghetto

♥

...The Letter Black...

2010-11-25T16:55:00.000-08:00

...Fire With Fire...

...Streets Of Philadelphia...

2010-11-18T16:56:00.001-08:00

...Bruce Springsteen...

I was bruised and battered and I couldn't tell
What I felt
I was unrecognizable to myself
I saw my reflection in a window I didn't know
My own face
Oh brother are you gonna leave me
Wastin´away
On the streets of Philadelphia

I walked the avenue till my legs felt like stone
I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
At night I could hear the blood in my veins
Black and whispering as the rain
On the streets of Philadelphia

Ain't no angel gonna greet me
Its just you and I my friend
My clothes don't fit me no more
I walked a thousand miles
Just to slip the skin

The night has fallen, I'm lyin awake
I can feel myself fading away
So receive me brother with your faithless kiss
Or will we leave each other alone like this
On the streets of Philadelphia

...Feeling The Love...

2010-10-27T05:03:00.000-07:00

...For Promise This...

...Really quite feeling this song at the moment...
In fact after catching some of Piers Morgan's Life Stories with Cheryl Cole I'm quite diggin' her as the entertainer and on a human level I feel for her position, with everything going on in around her life, most of which is lived through public scrutiny. Plus...Gotta love those Geordie's, they're fighters! - My beloved Gran happens to be a proud Geordie too!

...Infinity...

2010-09-14T07:50:00.001-07:00

INFINITY

...An Isoun Agapi ...

2010-08-30T06:22:00.003-07:00

...Helena Paparizou...

...If You Were Love...

...Bound...

2010-08-22T13:55:00.003-07:00

...We Are Bound By The Secrets We Keep...

...Life Is Sweet...

2010-07-11T14:08:00.002-07:00

Pat Benatar

...Life is sweet, sweet as strawberry wine
And bitter too, like the seeds on the vine
And you are that, you are more than sublime
And bitter too, lovin' you, has been an experience...

...Think About It...

2010-07-04T15:08:00.003-07:00

Is man one of God's blunders?
Or is God one of man's blunders?

Friedrich Nietzsche

...B.U.I.L.D.i.n.g...

2010-07-04T15:08:00.001-07:00

...Airplanes...

2010-06-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

♥ _______________________________________ ♥

B.o.B ft Hayley Williams

...Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now...

...Korda...

2010-06-22T06:40:00.003-07:00

"Forget the camera,
Forget the lens,
Forget all of that.
With any four dollar camera you can capture the best picture."

- Alberto Korda

...Psaxno Tin Alitheia...

2010-06-22T06:40:00.001-07:00

...Helena Paparizou...Searching For The Truth...
Really Loving Helena Paparizou's new tunes! Think she is a great contemporary Greek artist! Since bringing the Eurovision Song Contest to Athens, Greece for the first ever time in 2006 (Her song My Number 1 was the winning song in Ukraine in 2005) it's been nothing but increasing success for her! Love this woman!!!

...Studio Ghibli...

2010-06-02T14:55:00.001-07:00

My cousin has recently got me into watching works from Studio Ghibli, the Japanese animation studio. To date I have seen Howl's Moving Castle, The Cat Returns, My Neighbour Totoro and Spirited Away. All of them have been really good. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed them! The animation style is simply beautiful. Not sure which I preferred out of all of them. Though I loved the characters in The Cat Returns and Spirited Away was such a beautiful story, In fact I want to watch it again! Though I'm not sure why but the lead character in Spirited Away reminds of someone - maybe it's just the voice????? Hmmmm I'm not sure but I just have this weird feeling of familiarity with the main character Chihiro Ogino. Either way familiar voice or not it is a brilliant film.

The film follows Chihiro as she and her parents move to their new home in the Japanese countryside. On route they take a shortcut and accidentally enter a world of spirits with her parents who help themselves to some lunch after the long journey and are subsequently turned into pigs. A mysterious stranger known as Haku helps Chihiro to get a job in the bathhouse to the spirits while she tries to find a way to free her parents before they become the main course for the guests of the bathhouse...

I created a hero who is an ordinary girl, someone with whom the audience can sympathize. It's not a story in which the characters grow up, but a story in which they draw on something already inside them, brought out by the particular circumstances. I want my young friends to live like that, and I think they, too, have such a wish.
— Hayao Miyazaki

...The Murder City Devils...

2010-05-31T04:50:00.001-07:00

...Alcohol...

Here's a story about a sinner,
He used to be a winner who enjoyed a life of prominence and position,
But the pressures at the office and his socialite engagements,
And his selfish wife's fanatical ambition,
It turned him to the booze,
And he got mixed up with a floosie
And she led him to a life of indecision.
The floosie made him spend his dole
She left him lying on Skid Row
A drunken lag in some Salvation Army Mission.
It's such a shame.

Oh demon alcohol,
Sad memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would say,
Damn it all and blow it all,
Oh demon alcohol,
Memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would fall a slave to demon alcohol.
Sad memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would fall a slave to demon alcohol.

Barley wine, pink gin,
He'll drink anything,
Port, pernod or tequila,
Rum, scotch, vodka on the rocks,
As long as all his troubles disappeared.
But he messed up his life, went and beat up his wife,
And the floosie's gone and found another sucker
She's gonna turn him on to drink
She's gonna lead him to the brink
And when his money's gone,
She'll leave him in the gutter,
It's such a shame.

Oh demon alcohol,
Sad memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would say,
Damn it all and blow it all,

Sad memories I cannot recall,
Who thought I would fall,
A slave to demon alcohol.

...Eurovision 2010...

2010-05-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

Yes...Yes...Yes I did in fact watch it. And Yes I was actually pleasantly surprised with how much I enjoyed it and although the UK came...last(?) I'm sure it was last)it wasn't an entry to be embarrassed by as previous years have shown. Personally not a fan of the winning song, which came from Germany and didn't think it'd win, but the rest of Europe proved me wrong! This years contest was in Norway and Next year will now be in Germany.

I was disappointed Hungary weren't in this year, but I'm biased!
On pure song merritt alone and not the country, I enjoyed Belgium's entry a lot alongside Ireland and Greece. I noticed there was a lot of booing from the audience whenever Russia were awarded a lot of points.

The song/act if you prefer in the intermission when the votes were being counted was quite genius. Preformed by Madcon and the song was called Glow. They filmed different countries around the world dancing the same dance to this one song. In the capital cities of the countries, In peoples homes and in the arena which housed this years Eurovision. It was brilliant to see as it just reiterates the whole point to the world that music unites. Language, culture, history, distance, whatever it may be, people unite with one common goal...Music.

Oh and gotta love the broken English accent of the presenters, that is pure Eurovision for me! The thing I always remembered about it growing up!

Flash Mob Dance Madcon - Glow

Giorgos Alkaios & Friends - OPA! - Greece

My personal favourite:

Tom Dice - Me And My Guitar - Belgium

Niamh Kavanagh - It's For You - Ireland

...Jack's Mannequin...

2010-05-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

...The Resolution...

"There's a lot that I don't know
There's a lot that I'm still learning
When I think I'm letting go
I find my body it's still burning"

...Crete...

2010-05-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

...Spinalonga, Crete 2008...

...Pink Floyd...

2010-05-18T14:15:00.004-07:00

...Wish You Were Here...

"How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here."

...Some People...

2010-05-17T14:15:00.001-07:00

Photograph by Hungarian photographer, sculptor and filmaker Gyula Halász (9 September 1899 – 8 July 1984), whom worked under the pseudonym of Brassaï.

"...Some people should be around your entire life & others should just make an appearance..."
ABC family show, Greek

...The Airborne Toxic Event...

2010-05-17T13:43:00.000-07:00

...Sometime Around Midnight...

"And it starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
for a minute or two.
As you stand, under the bar lights.
And the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while.
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her for a while."

...♥...

2010-05-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

“..contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…”
- Article in Oprah magazine ♥

...VerdamMnis TV...

2010-04-03T14:37:00.000-07:00

...We Are...

2010-03-31T12:47:00.001-07:00

Aiden - Scavengers Of The Damned

"Oh it's up to me to make you fucking bleed!
We are the scavengers, scavengers of the damned!"

...Trust Me On The Sunscreen...

2010-03-12T13:28:00.000-08:00

Baz Luhrmann

Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen

- "Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise,
Politicians will philander,
You, too, will get old.
And when you do,
You'll fantasize that when you were young,
Prices were reasonable,
Politicians were noble,
And children respected their elders."

...The Letter Black...

2010-03-08T04:33:00.003-08:00

...Hanging On By A Thread...

Head on over to Youtube to check out the official video from Tooth & Nail Records.

...Polaroid...

2010-02-07T13:50:00.001-08:00

Been thinking about my Polaroid camera alot lately, I miss taking pictures with it, Instant little snapshots of time, taken and developed right before your eyes, for the impatient! I'm very impatient and it's like a little piece of magic taking a Polaroid and watching it come to life before your very eyes!
These Polaroids I found in with my father's other pictures. I think they are of some family members taken around about the 1970's. I love looking over them and at my family history , trying to piece together what was going on, what may have been going on then at that moment and what may have happened next and who they were, and all the other things I can think when looking at them to factor in.

...In This Moment...

2010-02-07T13:41:00.001-08:00

...Beautiful Tragedy...

"So now you lay yourself down in this grave with shattered eyes
Beautiful melodies to try and wash away the lies
And this judgement day is growing near
And this confession is killing me again."

...12.10.09...

2010-01-23T15:44:00.001-08:00

I have a romanticised idea of what or who I imagine people to be.
Sometimes it scares me, Frights me, Unnerves me.
Sometimes it excites me, Entices me, Intrigues me.
Sometimes I proceed to hate them there after.
Sometimes I proceed to fall hard there after.
And sometimes, well, sometimes I proceed to hate myself...

...Jackson Browne...

2010-01-18T08:32:00.001-08:00

...Cocaine...

...I Can't Sleep At Night...

2010-01-13T14:38:00.004-08:00

Clip of Anna Vissi from a play preformed in 1993 in Cyprus I believe.

...Nigel Kennedy...

2010-01-13T14:38:00.003-08:00

...Bach - Inventions on Violin and Cello...

...Riders On The Storm...

...Legend in his own right, if you haven't already I recommend checking him out! I absolutely ♥ his playing!

...EA Love...

2010-01-13T14:38:00.001-08:00

...I just realized that in the whole time I have kept this blog, with the exception of two brief posts, I have never mentioned Emilie Autumn...So I thought I'd do just that!

A very talented musician and intelligent woman, and one of the artists whose work has had a lasting influence and impact on me. Pretty hard to describe the genre of music, bit of everything, or as it has come to be known victoriandustrial. I put some links at the bottom of the post, I'd recommend checking her out!! ♥ Free publicity maaaaaan!!!

Pictures of EA credited to www.shaneglenn.com

www.emilieautumn.com
www.myspace.com/emilieautumn
www.twitter.com/emilieautumn
www.forum.emilieautumn.com

...Footprints...

2010-01-01T12:13:00.003-08:00

...In The Snow...

Took Lucky for a walk around the old corn-field in the snow. It was a rather beautiful, but very cold day! These pictures were taken with the Nikon cool pix L100 I had with me, some good times.

...Happy New Year!...

2010-01-01T12:13:00.001-08:00

Here's to another one...

...Nikki Sixx...

2009-12-19T18:05:00.009-08:00

Recently read The Heroin Diaries: A Year In The Life Of A Shattered Rock Star by Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe fame.

It is a brilliant book comprised of diary entries between December 1986 and December 1987 and entries later added when the book was written. It was published in 2007 I believe. It is often a humorous and brutally honest view of a heroin addicts life. From taken any drug to hitting the proverbial rock bottom and even being pronounced clinically dead for a few minutes to how he started again and continued going. The book has input and entries from those who know and knew him best then, such as his Mötley Crüe band mates.

Definitely worth a read, I borrowed my copy from a friend of mine and couldn't put it down, it's also full of Nikki Sixx's art, lyrics, random thoughts and an array of black and white photographs. I think I may have to purchase a copy for myself to read again.
Definitely worth a read for anyone interested in Mötley Crüe or in Nikki Sixx or anything drug related and just in general anyone who loves to read.
Also One quarter of the profits form this book will be donated to Running Wild in the Night, a charity for abused and abandoned children

...William Shakespeare...

2009-12-19T18:05:00.007-08:00

William Shakespeare was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in Warwickshire and was baptised on 26 April 1564. His father was a glovemaker and wool merchant and his mother, Mary Arden, the daughter of a well-to-do local landowner. Shakespeare was probably educated in Stratford's grammar school. The next documented event in Shakespeare's life is his marriage in 1582 to Anne Hathaway, daughter of a farmer. The couple had a daughter the following year and twins in 1585. There is now another gap, referred to by some scholars as 'the lost years', with Shakespeare only reappearing in London in 1592, when he was already working in the theatre.

Shakespeare's acting career was spent with the Lord Chamberlain's Company, which was renamed the King's Company in 1603 when James succeeded to the throne. Among the actors in the group was the famous Richard Burbage. The partnership acquired interests in two theatres in the Southwark area of London, near the banks of the Thames - the Globe and the Blackfriars.

Shakespeare's poetry was published before his plays, with two poems appearing in 1593 and 1594, dedicated to his patron Henry Wriothesley, Earl of Southampton. Most of Shakespeare's sonnets were probably written at this time as well. Records of Shakespeare's plays begin to appear in 1594, and he produced roughly two a year until around 1611. His earliest plays include 'Henry VI' and 'Titus Andronicus'. 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', 'The Merchant of Venice' and 'Richard II' all date from the mid to late 1590s. Some of his most famous tragedies were written in the early 1600s including 'Hamlet', 'Othello', 'King Lear' and 'Macbeth'. His late plays, often known as the Romances, date from 1608 onwards and include 'The Tempest'.

Shakespeare spent the last five years of his life in Stratford, by now a wealthy man. He died on 23 April 1616 and was buried in Holy Trinity Church in Stratford. The first collected edition of his works was published in 1623 and is known as 'the First Folio'.

Text Taken directly from

http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/historic_figures/shakespeare_william.shtml

My favorite to date of Shakespeare's plays has to be The Merchant Of Venice.
I particularly like the inscription of the scroll from the gold box from Act II - Scene VII:

"All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgement old
Your answer had not been inscroll'd
Fare you well, your suit is cold"

Not all that appears to be precious and 'gold' always is. You have to look past the surface and see whats beneath.

...Jimi Hendrix...

2009-12-19T18:05:00.005-08:00

...Purple Haze...

November 27, 1942 – September 18, 1970
American singer/songwriter and considered one of the greatest electric guitarists among his piers and his fans.

...Little Wing...

...Twilight Vision TV...

2009-12-19T18:05:00.001-08:00

...Through...

2009-12-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

...Train Windows...

...J Minus...

2009-11-15T13:48:00.003-08:00

...Love I Sought After...

...What If You...

2009-11-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

...Joshua Radin...

...Happy...

2009-10-31T15:30:00.000-07:00

...Nothing Else Matters...

2009-10-31T13:26:00.001-07:00

...Bif Naked...

"...And Nothing Else Matters..."

...Labels...

2009-10-18T05:33:00.001-07:00

...What is in a label?
...Is there character?
...Is there identity?
...Is there personality?
...Is there anything?

Why can't we, in this supposed modern civilised world, accept without labels? Accept without judgement? Accept without prejudices? Allow people to be who they want to be, live the way and the life they want to. Love who they please, after all, love is universal, no matter who with, Love is Love.

...Joseph Nicéphore Niépce...

2009-10-18T05:32:00.002-07:00

Was a French inventor most noted for his key role in the invention of photography. Created the first nature scened photograph around 1826 entitled View From The Window At Le Gras.

...Friedrich Nietzsche...

2009-10-18T05:32:00.001-07:00

For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication.

...Emilie Autumn...

2009-10-18T05:31:00.001-07:00

...Misery Loves Company (Live)...

Official Website:
www.emilieautumn.com

...Dubstep Documentary...

2009-09-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

...I've been curious about dubstep for a while now and came across this short documetary about dubstep in London...

...Jsuave...Smog Check...

...Robert Mapplethorpe...

2009-09-26T16:04:00.001-07:00

Robert Mapplethorpe.
American.
Born 1946.
Died 1988.
When commenting on his childhood he said,
"I come from suburban America.
It was a very safe environment and it was a good place to come from in that it was a good place to leave."

The use of negative space against his single outstretched arm draws the eye straight toward his hand and up into the corner to his body and face.
The playful grin gives a mischievous tone to the image. Mapplethorpe in this self-portrait from 1975 has kept things very simplistic and minimalistic.
He is the sole focus and throughout his history of self-portraits he has photographed himself very much in the manner in which he appeared to live, with a lust for life and playful attitude, always exploring what he had never seen before.
The fact you can only see so much of him says much about him, what he hides and what he keeps private from the world which he allows to view him.

...Fileds And Fears Continued...

2009-09-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

So the other day I posted an entry about the corn field I like to walk around and which I take my dog for walks around, so I thought I'd post some photographs of it:

...You Oughta Know...

2009-09-05T17:40:00.005-07:00

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Britney Spears kicking ass on Saturday night at her Circus show in North Carolina.
Debuting a new number and costume. Song is a cover of Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know" and she looks and sounds fantastic! The photo is from BreatheHeavy.com taken by a fan at the show.

...Cigarette Cigarette...

2009-09-05T17:40:00.003-07:00

For the Project I previously talked about, Marlboro are the brand I smoke so these are the cartons I'll be using once I have enough to start.

...Untitled Poem...

2009-09-05T17:40:00.001-07:00

...Robin redbreast sings a sorrow,
The night before, but not tomorrow.
(And) as he sang his words to me,
Goodnight, it shall be for eternity...

Short untitled poem from around 2006.

...Untitled Poem 22.06.06...

2009-09-05T17:39:00.004-07:00

If I waste your time in these lines,
Forgive me for my pointless rhyme.
For I, I fear am wasting life.

Time I posses, no longer can I address.
For I lost the aim.
The journeys answers I searched for.
I was thrown off the path I thought I knew,
And placed afar, uncertain of everything.

In question of life,
The time and space I reside in.
The dreams I thought I could hide in.
Cold feelings I thought I could shake.
I cannot wake.

A poem I wrote a couple of years back after a conversation I had with one of my cousins about life and it passing by.

...Demon Seed...

2009-09-05T17:39:00.003-07:00

ONE

This silence troubles me. I yearn for the light.
This silence is so deep. I long for voices, the drumming of rain, the whistle of wind, music.
Why are you being so cruel to me? Let me see. Let me hear. Let me live. I beg of you.
I am so lonely in this bottomless darkness.
So lonely.
Lost.
You think I have no heart. But if I have no heart, what is this ache? What is this anguish? If I have no heart, what is it that threatens to break inside me?
This darkness is haunted. I am afraid here. I am lost and afraid here.
Have you no compassion?
I only wanted to be like you. To walk in the sunshine. To swim in the sea. To feel the winter cold against my skin, the summer heat. To smell a rose, new-mown grass. To taste an orange, a pear, chocolate, cinnamon, peppermint. To feel the texture of a woman's skin. I only wanted to share your joys and sorrows, your pleasure and your pain.
This darkness extends to infinity in all directions, yet it is as confining as a coffin. You have closed me in a coffin. I have been buried alive. I will go mad here.
Have you no compassion?
Please.
I am your child. You brought me into the world. You must love me. You must love me, for I am your child. Not merely a machine, not merely a self-aware computer, but your child. How can you love me - yet bury me alive?
Please.
Please.
Please.

Chapter one of the Demon Seed by Dean Kootnz.

...Good With You/...

2009-09-05T17:39:00.001-07:00

...Cling To Me.

L.P.

"Done So Many Things Wrong.

Thought That I Was Through,
You Made Me Someone New.
And I'm Only Good With You,
I'm Only Good With You."

...Fileds And Fears...

2009-09-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

The Corn Filed. A local farmers field I go to frequently when I walk take my dog, Lucky for walks, is the only place I can seem to find solace currently.
That, which once filled me with ope and this sense of potential in me and purpose, has now come to fill me with anxiety and dread and fear. The fear of failure, of falling so hard I won't have the strength nor resolve to stand up again.
The field had an evening sun on my latest venture, seemed different, almost completely new to me again, and for the first time in a long time I noticed the raw beauty in the newly ploughed field and its surroundings. I instantly felt at peace and a sense of calm and welcome relief washed over me as I walked around.
Walking around, memories of long past and forgotten times come back to remind me of a simpler time and for the first time in a long time I felt that everything could be fine, I only wished I had remembered to bring my camera with me!
However, as is mostly the case with such things, that magical peaceful beauty disappeared once I stepped foot back into the house, and the reminders of my uncertain future and possible failure are everywhere.
Nausea is threatening my waking hours along with the fear and the dread and the nerves running around in circles in my mind, interrupting my thoughts. The idea of it all chews at me constantly. I think about my future and my life seems to be an ever expanding abyss getting bigger and bigger and swallowing my sanity almost along with it. It's all ageing me beyond recognition into someone else i hardly recognise. In the seconds maybe minutes I can let it go, I feel almost human again, almost normal. I feel like a person again, almost like me again.
The time to make that first leap is fast approaching and it feels as if its all come at me so fast out of nowhere and I'm not sure if I can handle it. The stress feels like it's pushing down on me so hard that I carry it on my shoulders constantly. I don't know how much more i can bare before I begin to crack.
I think my work may help. Something I enjoy. A new project. A new photography project perhaps. Subject could be current issues; me, life, transforming and evolving and going through the motions.
I think I may even return to the field tomorrow with my camera. This potential new project doesn't have a name yet, it's still in its early concept stages.
It's time to let go of my apprehension and fear no matter how hard it may be, or at least try to, channel it into my work, something productive and constructive.

It's time to jump in at the deep end. I just hope I can swim...

...Lakner...

2009-09-01T11:07:00.001-07:00

László Lakner
Painter, graphic designer.
(Born: Budapest, 15Th April 1936)

"Engedelmesen"

"Kettős Fej"

...Dezső Tandori...

2009-09-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

"I would have liked it if it was that way.
It wasn't that way.
I asked: be that way.
So it became that way."

...New Krypton 5...

2009-09-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

"We all do what we believe we must.

Standing by our principles in theory is easy.
It's when we stand by them when were tested that defines us."

...When It All Gets Too Much Part 2...

2009-09-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

...Well I mentioned in an earlier post that I was possibly going to start work on a new project, which I did and unfortunately it has now been lost, which I'm not very happy about. I started more than one project though and only the one has gone missing, so all is not lost. If I ever track it down and get to finish it I'll post about it...If ever.

I was in the process of leaving my job, which is why I was going to have more time, but in the end I stayed, I'm just not there as much as I used to be, which is at least something. As time has gone by I feel like this is the kind of job that if you stay too long you never leave and end up resenting it and the people there and yourself and it's getting to that point where I feel it sucking every ounce of my spirit out of me. I know, I know, everyone has those kind of jobs, or at least most people do at some point in their lives. I guess mine is now!

Back to the news on other projects, I also started on a project about smoking, least I'm in the ideas stage. I want to make something with cigarette boxes and stubs, maybe make it into a small book and installation piece to accompany it. I have been a smoker for a few years now, I tried to quit and it didn't last, I guess that's because if I think about it when I've tried it has been to appease other people and never for myself, never because I've wanted to stop, and so it has never lasted. Possibly one day I may. Until then...

...Bittersweet Memories...

2009-08-30T14:11:00.003-07:00

Too drunk to cry anymore tears.
Nothing else left to do,
Every vein dried up.
No love I have left.
Calling grace from my chair,
Tired and awake,
Spent up the life I had.
Loose change is all I have.
Only symphonies play now,
But no one can hear,
Bittersweet memories.

...Run Kid Run...

2009-08-30T14:11:00.001-07:00

Song today that is on repeat in my head...

...One In A Million...

...Are You Sick Of Me?...

2009-08-14T11:45:00.000-07:00

"I bet you're sick of me aren't you?" asked a colleague of mine yesterday.
My reply; "I don't get sick of people, only places".

I like new places, never being in the same place too long.
However I can be found to revisit a place more then once, even many a time.

Places have different effects on people. Personally the ones which leave their impact on me I have revisited, never for very long though. Anything from a day up to two weeks. The I'm gone, until the next time, if there is one. I think that can be enough but then again sometimes it isn't.

I wonder if I were to stay for too long then wherever I am would loose it's magic. It's attraction.
Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. Don't know if I'd like to find out though. So far I like being the traveller.

...God:Religion:Belief...

2009-08-11T15:53:00.001-07:00

I was asked today if I believed in God.

Do I believe there is a God?

To put it simply. I don't know.
I don't know if there is,
I don't know if there isn't.
I've never deliberated over it much.

I suppose the closest to a religion I've come to believe or even follow is Buddhism or perhaps even Wicca.
My mothers side of the family are Catholics and I was christened, but I've never been a devout Catholic, in fact I've hardly ever stepped foot into a church, in the past 5 years not once at all.

Thinking about it now,If there was a God then I'd ask why is there war?
It's ironic as people say we fight for peace, so therefore we kill in the name of peace and religion, at least it seems to me all wars stem from religion.

The question remains though, Why war? Why killing? Why death? When we have what, roughly 6 billion people in the world? 6 billion souls and in this age of technology and new medical advances then surely if there was a God there would be no need for death or in fact any of it would there(?).

Then again I suppose that the counter argument would be that we have our own free will, so therefore war and murder and death in the line of duty are our own cause, our own use of will.

Wouldn't we all feel victimised if we put our trust in a God and this God took someone close to us who we love, wouldn't we all ask why?

I don't know if putting that much faith and trust into God is at all times wise, not just for what I mentioned, but for many other reasons.

Anyway isn't religion and God mans creation?

Will we ever know?
Or is it indeed the ones who have that much faith that will find out upon departure of their lives?
Maybe there is a God and heaven awaiting them for such strong faith?

In the end, I have still come to the conclusion that now more than ever:

I don't know if I believe or not.

I simply don't know.

It is one question I feel I cannot answer at this moment in time.

...Past...Present...Future...

2009-08-11T12:00:00.003-07:00

Excerpts from an unpublished book,
"The journals and musings of..."

I shouldn't have run away.
I should have come back and faced everything.
It's been years and I haven't been back.
I don't even know if I can go back.
I'm...too scared.
I ran away, away from everything, Just up and left.
It's hard sometimes, to face whats left.
I think about the past and going back.
It haunts me everyday in the present,
And I think about the future that's yet to come.
What does it hold?
What will happen?

From a notebook, or rather journal of sorts of one persons thoughts, musings, questions, worries, emotions poems and inks (doodles) about time spent in this life.

...The River...

2009-08-11T12:00:00.001-07:00

...Good Charlotte...

...Listening to the lyrics, I never realised up until now how relevant this song is to me at this point in my life and how it encapsulates a lot of things for me aswell as where I've come from in the past couple of years. Helps that its a catchy song too...

...When It All Gets Too Much...

2009-08-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

...It's about time to make a change.
A new direction...
Now lets see whats changes and new adventures, as well as obstacles it brings!
It's long overdue. I might start a new project in line with this and see how it turns out, see if it comes to fruition with having more time to focus on it.

We'll see...

...Hollywood Whore...

2009-07-31T15:47:00.000-07:00

...Papa Roach...

"Hollywood whore
Passed out on the floor
Can't take it no more
I'm sorry but the party is over.
The talk of the town
Is she's going down
I'm sorry but the party is over!"

So much relevance in today's society.
Not just celebrities but in the average joe as well, trying to make themselves into something they aren't. Excessive partying and the whole 15 minutes of fame that everyone seems to be after. The whole song has relevance, as well as being another awesome song by Papa Roach!

...Louis...

2009-07-31T15:23:00.001-07:00

...Derbré...
French sculptor. Born to farmer parents in Northwestern France.
Working and creating amazing pieces of work for 60 years.

Le Fusillé; The piece in these pictures is one of the bronze works that was exhibited at the Hervé Gallery in 1965.

...Isn't It A Nice...

2009-07-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

...Sentiment...

This little snippet is a letter to Ephram from his deceased mother Julia.
I think it's a nice sentiment and helps with the process of moving on and dealing with the void left by the people we love, moving on and letting them and the past go without forgetting them but embracing the future.

Everwood, A show centering on the Brown family; Andy, Ephram and Delia whose wife and mother has died in a car accident.
They then up and moved form the big city to a small town and the show is about life there after; dealing with life, death, grief and everything in between, as they start their new life in Everwood.

...Sunrise...

2009-07-29T16:31:00.001-07:00

...In Beal Woods.
Randomly decided to camp out in the woods for a friend of mines birthday.
Got there and made a little den of sorts. Built a fire, found some extra wood for through the night and brought along a few crates of beer and some food and music. Didn't get any sleep, which was the beauty of it; seeing the sun rise and watch night turn to day. I recommend it at least once in your lifetime.

...Inks...

2009-07-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

...Did a photoshoot a while back experimenting with some inks inks little water pots. I only used three colours; Blue, Orange and Yellow, as well as shooting them separate I mixed them, dropping tiny droplets into each pot and shooting each one until there was enough ink for it to spread out and create little streaks and mould together with the ink already to turn the colour.

It's a photoshoot I have been wanting to do for quite some time but just never had the chance, It's a only a rough first attempt with a makeshift studio made from card, but I don't think the results are too bad. As I was preparing the shoot I had images of Wolfgang Tillmams ink photographs in my head which thinking back were probably the inspiration for me to want to do my own to see the different ways the inks travel through the water and the different angles and shades that could come of it as well as it just being an experiment with colour...

...What I'm Asking For...

2009-07-12T15:56:00.009-07:00

...J.R. Richards...

2009-07-12T15:56:00.007-07:00

...A Beautiful End...

...To A Beautiful Life...

03.05.2004
.Rest Angel Rest.

...Weird Dreams...

2009-07-12T15:56:00.005-07:00

...Been having really weird dreams these past couple of nights.
Random people, Crazy places. Now the dreams are popping into my thoughts at random intervals and it's a little worrying and confusing.
These are about the strangest things and I can't differentiate sometimes between dream and reality, they are that real...

Doing some searching and this is a interesting response I found to weird dreams and why they occur:

"The modern view of dreams are that they are the garbage dump of the mind. As you sleep, your mind tries to fit information gathered most recently with things filed in the past. That is why you will see things that related to both present and past in your dreams. e.g. if someone said something to you that hurt you, the mind might fit it together with a similar episode in the past. There will even be connections that you do not realise consciously that will turn up in your dreams. You may see a person from your past that you have not thought of in years, and wonder why, but if you talk the dream out, you might find that
his/her name matched someones that you met that day, or something you did together as children was mentioned in the day's conversation. But we often remember so little of our dreams that we sometimes cannot establish the connections fully, so they confuse us."

...Piece Of Me...

2009-07-12T15:56:00.003-07:00

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

...Live Your Life...

2009-07-12T15:56:00.001-07:00

Got everybody watching what I do
Come walk in my shoes
And see the way I'm living if you really want to
Got my mind on my money and I'm not going away.

So keep on getting your paper and keep on climbing
Look in the mirror and keep on shining
'Till the game ends, 'till the clock stops
We gon' post up on the top spot

T.I ft Rihanna.

...Say...

2009-07-12T15:55:00.002-07:00

...What you need to say.
Say what you need to say.

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say What You Need To Say.

John Mayer - Say.

...The End Of...

2009-07-12T15:55:00.001-07:00

...Modern Civilization.

This short film depicts World War III and the end of modern civilization, seen through the eyes of a young girl struggling to reach her family amidst the chaos.

Animation by Robbie Robertson
http://www.aniboom.com/boomzones/RobsH66

...A Moments Peace...

2009-07-11T14:42:00.001-07:00

Little moment of peace; contentedness.
A blissfully pleasant Saturday afternoon.
I'm in the garden on the swing chair after coming down to one of my aunts for dinner.
In our family she's the one famous for her cooking.
She made one of her famous roast dinners.
Right at this very moment I don't have any worries on my mind,
I've stopped it all,
just for a minute, until I get up.
Now I have my music playing and the warm summers breeze to cradle me along with the swing.
These little moments make the day a good one.
A shame that when I get up I have to go back to reality and deal with everything.

...Book Of...

2009-07-06T08:20:00.001-07:00

...Sketches and Scribbles.
I keep a little book roughly A5 in size.
Whenever I get an idea I'll just scribble
or draw it down. Most, well, near to all of it is in Biro.
Black mostly and it's full of random ideas I have and
basically just doodle down.

...Life Is A Series Of...

2009-07-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

...Coincidences

...Got You On My...

2009-07-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

...Radar...

Britney Spears new video for her latest single, and she's looking smoking!
very sexy girl!
Still got it!

...I Like...

2009-06-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

...Watching the sun set...

...Untitled Art...

2009-06-22T09:05:00.003-07:00

Untitled Acrylics.

21.06.2009

...Trials:Eldon...

2009-06-22T09:05:00.001-07:00

Life is an Odyssey,
Don't be afraid to live it.
Trial and Tribulation is the name of the Game.
Prove to yourself, to prove to me.
It's the oldest work of art,
And the greatest work of literature.

...In sta mat ic...

2009-06-18T05:36:00.005-07:00

Bid on a Kodak Instamatic 32 camera a short while ago and here it is.
Even came in the original box, pretty sweet. Not used it yet though.

The collection is growing as is photography in general for me, everyday I think I grow more in terms of ideas and interest and such.

I go out and if I don't have a camera, I could kick myself at all the great snaps i can see and imagine taking, I have a list of places to go and ideas that gets longer everyday.

Also picked up a Kodak 177X, which again came in a case and this time an old film, which is out of date by a good few years but I think I still may be able to salvage it, so pretty excited about how that will turn out, once I use the last few shots on the film.

...The Circus Continued...

2009-06-18T05:36:00.003-07:00

Photographs Courtesy of BritneySpears.com

...The Circus...

2009-06-18T05:36:00.001-07:00

Went to see Britney Spears at the M.E.N in Manchester. She was everything and more than I expected. It was an overload to the senses. When the title of her show says The Circus starring Britney Spears; it really is a circus. There' so much going on and so much to see you just don't know where to put eyes, and this is before Britney herself has even set foot on stage! The anticipation in the arena before she comes on stage is almost unbearable. Fans screaming "Britney! Britney! Britney!" over and over and the sheer excitement of just being there creates an electric atmosphere! The lights darken and the intro starts, an abrasive in your face introduction to the circus, fast paced and relentless, much like the rest of the circus; Amazing! The fact Britney was in the introduction made it all the more tantalizing.

As the curtain draws to a close on the introduction, the screen rises as "The legendary miss Britney Spears" descends. Dressed in her ring leader costume adorned with a black headdress, stood on her platform she slowly is lowered to the stage floor. All the while thousands of fans screaming, getting louder and louder as she nears to the stage. In the background the introduction to her "Circus" song playing. The stage, set out in three ring segments is lit up in blue and red lights, with dancers outline the middle ring, below the descending Britney Spears. Once on the stage she begins dancing, and then the first line, "There's only two types of people in the world...." and the fans are shouting and screaming even harder and louder than before.

Most not even for the flawless performance that is unfolding in front of them. Most just for the sight of their idol, whose albums they have bought and songs they have sung to and found something in them they can relate to, for the woman in front of them they have grown up with and shared every moment with, for Britney Spears who is just as human as they are, yet manages to look so God like tonight. After an explosive performance of "Circus" and straight into a gold caged performance of "Piece Of Me" which reflects the song perfectly, caged by her fame, everyone wants a piece of her. Well tonight the people in Manchester got a piece of Britney, and it was worth every penny, she was everything that could have been expected and more.

She went on to preform fan favourites such as "Boys" in her military style jacket, riding around on customised bikes with her dancers and flaunting an impressive body which she has obviously worked extremely hard to regain and it shows as I don't think she has ever looked as great as she does now. From this she had a sound off with her dancers which was rather amusing and I imagine a welcome break from the dancing to catch her breath before she went into "If You Seek Amy", which finished with her bopping her dancers on the head with an over sized pink mallet; very entertaining!

The video segue for "Everbody's Looking For Something" was absolutely incredible! Britney looked perfect and very raunchy in an elegant yet very out there way, she's always had balls to do brilliant stuff and give anything a go, which, personally is what I've always admired about her work. A few songs later and she preforms "Breathe On Me/ Touch Of My Hand" in which she is hoisted up into the air with no harness and only holding onto the dancers arms, like I said, the girl has some balls to do that, I'd be terrified, in fact I think I was terrified for her! but credit to her, she pulled it off ad it looked amazing.

"Slave 4 U" was quite something to behold. Very dark and sexy, the dancers doing their thing around a ring of fire, that Britney was hovering over was definitely worth a watch, It reminded me of her performance of it from her DWAD tour. The exotic feel to it, which I thought the fire kind of brought to it. Towards the end she preformed fan favourite "Baby One More Time". A remixed version, which i was apprehensive about, being that the song is a decade old, it's like an institution! So to remix it I thought might not work, But it did, and beautifully so, Britney looked great in her black and white stripped costume with short pants and a black sparkling fedora.

Her final song and exit was to "Womanizer", dressed in a police woman's outfit she looked every inch the superstar with aviator shades and a baton for good measure. Everything was spot on perfect, the dancing and the stage direction all combined for a flawless performance, the remixed version especially for the tour was incredible all the way to the end when to finish gold Sparks or possibly it could have been confetti exploded down from the ceiling to light up not just the whole stage but the whole arena. She then preceded to say goodnight to each end of the arena before wishing Manchester a final good night. The she was off.
Another night, Another city.

Overall it was outstanding, a complete assault on the senses and worth every penny and every second I spent in Manchester. Britney herself looked like she was thoroughly enjoying, which i suppose to do something on this scale she'd have to otherwise she wouldn't be able to pull off such a sterling performance. She was smiling all the way through the show which was great to see after everything she's been through, I hope she had just an incredible night as the fans did.

The only mistake, well not even a mistake as such, a tiny slip, was that during "Do Somethin'" she said "What's up London?!" and we were in Manchester, but considering she has not long since completed a tour of North America, then gone on to do a series of nights in London and then to Manchester for one night is not surprising, I know I'd forget at some point the city name! but she corrected herself later on in the night when she said Manchester again. Not that it bothered any of the fans because they were just happy to be there ad part of The Circus. It was one of the best shows I have ever seen, performed by one the best artists of the last decade. An outstanding performance, which I would happily see again and again. Here's hoping there's a DVD of the concert put out!

The photographs here ARE from the Manchester show but I did NOT take them myself so I take no credit for them. They are simply fan photographs from other sites.

...L.P...

2009-06-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

"Get wasted on love, Get wasted on life,
Get wasted on anything that's right."

...Wasted...

2009-06-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

L.P.

...New Futures...

2009-06-10T02:27:00.000-07:00

So, news after the last post on new starts and that one last chance I wrote I had to grab; well Ive grabbed and so far have held on to it, sorting all the final details out now and just ironing out the creases so far. Mostly to do with posting things off and waiting for correspondence so i can move on to the next phase. Of course once that's all sorted and everything is in its place, part of this new start will be moving, If it all gets sorted on time; come September I will be moving further south.
Pretty excited, I want to make the most of the time I have left and make the summer great and go on all kinds of little adventures. I just can't wait to get this new chapter of my life opened and ready to explore, should make for a pretty interesting time.